Hello guys I am back again. I am sorry for being so quiet, I am back at school now so I have been settling in. Today's post is a bit personal. I am going to share with you guys how i felt and what was going through my mind when I was growing up.
Okay so firstly a bit of my background. As you all know, (if you do not know check my previous posts lol), I grew up with my grandmother from the age of 2. My grandmother was such a lovely person, very supportive and prayerful woman. Sometimes, things got difficult for her especially financially. My parents were alive but sometimes could not provide for me as well because of their financial position. my parents died in 2001 and 2005 respectively. Believe it or not taking care of a child with a disability is quite expensive because of their needs. My grandmother had no option than to take me to a boarding school because I could not walk the long distance to school. In the rural areas everything was at a distance the shops, bus stop, school, clinic you name it. Most of the time she had to carry me on her back but because of time I was growing and she could not carry me anymore. I was becoming heavy for her. At some point she was so clueless on how she was going to carry me around and she thought of using a wheelbarrow. Thank God the home based care in our area had to intervene and they bought me a wheelchair. You can imagine how precious this moment was for granny. That lady went through a lot for me, may her soul rest in peace. Imagine if it was any other child without a disability life was much easier, the child could walk for themselves, she did not have to worry about a wheelchair. So yes taking care of a child with a disability is expensive.
Going through all this, I got to a point where I started thinking a lot. I had a lot of unanswered question going through my mind.
Why is this all on me? I am an orphan, i come from a "poor" background and I am disabled.
God why did you create me this way?
Did I do something wrong?
Why do I have to go through all this?
The big question was WHY ME, WHY ME, WHY ME?
I remember at some point sitting outside with one of my friends watching the stars asking each other all these questions, with tears running down our cheeks. It became worse when my granny passed on. I tried committing suicide because I could not handle it anymore. I never stayed with anyone besides granny. I did not even know much about my siblings. The transition was so challenging for me. I do not want to lie the first year after her death was so difficult. Thank God here I am today enjoying my life with my family whom I thought I will never have that close relationship with. Honestly, I thank God for my family they are the most amazing people I know.
I am so grateful to God now because I had to go through That for a reason.Due to my economic background I have learned to be grateful for every little thing I receive in life. Lol, that situation humbled me. Growing up as an orphan and with my grandmother was the best thing. That environment was the best for me. Maybe if I grew up with my mom she wouldn't be as strong as granny.
Sometimes we grow up in all these situations because God is processing, moulding and humbling us for the future. Looking back at it now that situation made me strong and hardworking, God will never put you through a situation which you cannot handle.
I had a lot of people complimenting me saying I am strong, I have a great personality and all. To be honest I went through it all before I gained my confidence. I was emotionally down. I think at some point I was even depressed but you know know in Africa there is no depression or mental illness its all evil spirits (Hahahaha just kidding). It took me time to gain that confidence and accept myself.
Go like our facebook page
Be strong
Be kind
Be positive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay so firstly a bit of my background. As you all know, (if you do not know check my previous posts lol), I grew up with my grandmother from the age of 2. My grandmother was such a lovely person, very supportive and prayerful woman. Sometimes, things got difficult for her especially financially. My parents were alive but sometimes could not provide for me as well because of their financial position. my parents died in 2001 and 2005 respectively. Believe it or not taking care of a child with a disability is quite expensive because of their needs. My grandmother had no option than to take me to a boarding school because I could not walk the long distance to school. In the rural areas everything was at a distance the shops, bus stop, school, clinic you name it. Most of the time she had to carry me on her back but because of time I was growing and she could not carry me anymore. I was becoming heavy for her. At some point she was so clueless on how she was going to carry me around and she thought of using a wheelbarrow. Thank God the home based care in our area had to intervene and they bought me a wheelchair. You can imagine how precious this moment was for granny. That lady went through a lot for me, may her soul rest in peace. Imagine if it was any other child without a disability life was much easier, the child could walk for themselves, she did not have to worry about a wheelchair. So yes taking care of a child with a disability is expensive.
Going through all this, I got to a point where I started thinking a lot. I had a lot of unanswered question going through my mind.
Why is this all on me? I am an orphan, i come from a "poor" background and I am disabled.
God why did you create me this way?
Did I do something wrong?
Why do I have to go through all this?
The big question was WHY ME, WHY ME, WHY ME?
I remember at some point sitting outside with one of my friends watching the stars asking each other all these questions, with tears running down our cheeks. It became worse when my granny passed on. I tried committing suicide because I could not handle it anymore. I never stayed with anyone besides granny. I did not even know much about my siblings. The transition was so challenging for me. I do not want to lie the first year after her death was so difficult. Thank God here I am today enjoying my life with my family whom I thought I will never have that close relationship with. Honestly, I thank God for my family they are the most amazing people I know.
I am so grateful to God now because I had to go through That for a reason.Due to my economic background I have learned to be grateful for every little thing I receive in life. Lol, that situation humbled me. Growing up as an orphan and with my grandmother was the best thing. That environment was the best for me. Maybe if I grew up with my mom she wouldn't be as strong as granny.
Sometimes we grow up in all these situations because God is processing, moulding and humbling us for the future. Looking back at it now that situation made me strong and hardworking, God will never put you through a situation which you cannot handle.
I had a lot of people complimenting me saying I am strong, I have a great personality and all. To be honest I went through it all before I gained my confidence. I was emotionally down. I think at some point I was even depressed but you know know in Africa there is no depression or mental illness its all evil spirits (Hahahaha just kidding). It took me time to gain that confidence and accept myself.
Go like our facebook page
Be strong
Be kind
Be positive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"God will never put you through a situation which you cannot handle." This so true Nikki, your story motivates us all. May God richly Bless you. Hope to meet you in person one day
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